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The Jokes & Fun Stuff thread part 2 ...

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minesapasty
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 16:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

An old one, but it is funny


Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The man from Wales fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The man from England reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The Scotsman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'


The Scot replied, 'These are Carols.'
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 16:57    Post subject: Google Ads keep the POCUK free to join!


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DawnH
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 17:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

and does she know Kylie's got them???? Shocked ..... Laughing  Laughing
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Paul83c
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 17:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

DawnH wrote:
and does she know Kylie's got them???? Shocked ..... Laughing  Laughing


She probably got a nice clean batch of them so when she does get home and finds
her favourite ones missing she's not in a panic. Laughing Laughing
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carolrabbit
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PostPosted: Wed Dec 01, 2010 20:24    Post subject: Reply with quote

hilarious  hilarious  hilarious  hilarious
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Paul83c
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 2:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

Here's a good game/puzzle for people with good thinking skills.

Use a combination of things to get the items (t.v screen, safe) stationary in the target zone.


Morphing Game



Good Luck. Wink
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Hugh Michael
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Joined: 15 Mar 2005
Posts: 350
Location: Pembroke Dock, West Wales

PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 10:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

WAL-MART SENIOR GREETER

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time.

Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.

"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.

It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"

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.scroll down

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"They said, "Good morning, Admiral, can I get you coffee, sir?"
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snagz
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 21:12    Post subject: Reply with quote

Paul83c wrote:
Here's a good game/puzzle for people with good thinking skills.

Use a combination of things to get the items (t.v screen, safe) stationary in the target zone.


Morphing Game



Good Luck. Wink


oh boy....this is frustrating.   can't get past level 23
need beer....then might try again.
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Paul83c
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2010 21:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

snagz wrote:
oh boy....this is frustrating.   can't get past level 23


I know i couldn't do level 2 so had to use the video walkthrough. Embarassed
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mimauk
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 03, 2010 13:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins

On the ice in  Antarctica  - where do they go ?
                                 
Wonder no more ! ! !


It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic

Bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.


The penguin is very committed to its family and will

Mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of

Compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.




If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other

Members of the family and social circle have been

Known to dig holes in  the ice, using their vestigial

Wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for

The dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle

Around the fresh grave and sing:







                        "Freeze a jolly good fellow"

                        "Freeze a jolly good fellow."




                        "Then they kick him in the ice hole."
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wiggletiger
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 12:48    Post subject: Reply with quote

Local girl Joanna Mow leaps to her death on her birthday...

Your middle name wouldn't be Ronny would it Jo?
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mimauk
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 22:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

Apple announced today that it has  developed a breast implant that can store and play music.

The iTit will  cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size.

This is  considered  a major social breakthrough, because  women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them..
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mimauk
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 22:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

Friendly Holiday Advice

Please, take care of yourself this Christmas. A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.

This means that the remaining 77% are caused by assholes that just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, milk, water, and c rap like that. Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents. This message is sent by someone who cares about your well being.
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mimauk
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2010 21:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa - half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe - well-developed and open to trade, especially for something of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain - very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece & gently aging, but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all-conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel - has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, and takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada - cool, self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet - wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages.... an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 80, a man is like Iran - ruled by a couple of nuts
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Stu C
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 13, 2010 15:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

An extract from Mills & Boon's latest novel.... With writing like this,
there really is no need for pictures....

"We met in a secluded field, the sun almost kissing the horizon. The warm breeze was full of that earthy, musky scent, that only those fortunate to live outside the urban rat race know, and the quiet whispering of leaves in the weeping willow overhead added the final touch to the most romantic scene.


We lay there, both naked. I knew that I had to have her, and have her now.

Without a word being spoken, I moved into a position of dominance. I could feel instantly that this was what she was waiting for, as she frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ. I moved slowly at first, inch by inch, until I was fully inside her.

Then, as the tension rose, we threw caution to the wind, and abandoned ourselves to the moment.

Although inexperienced, she approached every
change of position with enthusiasm, moaning with despair, every time I withdrew to prevent myself from ending it all too soon.

As the sexual tension heightened towards the inevitable, mind-blowing climax, it was all I could do to hold out any longer. Finally, the moment that we had been building towards was upon us, and passed all too quickly.

Breathlessly we rolled together in the now damp grass. As the last deep orange glow of the long setting sun melted into the darkness of approaching night, we lay there still entwined in an amorous embrace. I kissed her long and lovingly, and whispered reassurance of how good she had been.
She tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear, then whispered
""Baaaaaaaa"" and rejoined the flock."
This novel is only for sale in  Glasgow New Zealand , Australia , Wales , and certain parts of Derbyshire
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DawnH
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PostPosted: Mon Dec 13, 2010 15:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

you been reading Kylecollie's diary again Stu???? Laughing  Laughing  Laughing  Laughing
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